Saturday, November 27, 2010

God's not finished yet

It's been so busy and so much has happened.  Lara no longer has her pic line in.  That is basically a line in her vein in her arms for emergency iv's.  So no more venous drugs, or supplements!  Lara no longer has to do her breathing treatments regularly.  When it sounds like she may have some fluid in her lungs or just a little "phlegmy" they give her some of her breathing treatments that she can do on her own.  No more nebulizer.  Lara is making leaps and bounds in her therapy.  Not literal leaps...well not yet.  ;)

With Lara crying the day before about wanting to go to the Byrds for Thanksgiving, we all weren't sure about what to expect in terms of Lara's mood.  She seems to be, well like any of us would be in her situation.  Happy and joking like regular Lara one minute, then crying and wondering why her, the next.  It was a good day. We all got some laughs in.  She had a few moments of wanting to go home.  But I can't blame her.  It is hard for her to be there by herself.  She called my mom a couple times in the night and then in the morning wanting her to come in.

Yesterday Lara had an echo gram.  It's an ultra sound of the heart.  Her heart rate has been high for awhile and they just wanted to make sure there was nothing wrong.  Lara got pretty scared and called saying there was something wrong with her heart.  Once she understood what was happening she said several times, "I just need someone to come with me because I won't remember what to tell Dad, and he is going to ask me."  Got the results of that and everything is good.  They have put Lara on some medication to help her focus and help a little with staying awake and alert during the day.  Lara still struggles with some daily routine type things.  Like she will argue with you until you believe it that dinner time is breakfast.  She is pretty adamit about it.  Or that for three days straight they have only fed her grilled cheese, tomato soup, and fries.

She has been making some late night or early morning phone calls.  Sometimes not really making sense.  She did call me last night to tell me they took her pic line out.  There are no words to say what I had when I saw her picture lighting up my phone.  After we hung up she texted me.  A little punch to the stomach that it is just gibberish.  "Highighii mode hidellkl"  So I just wrote her back, "Thanks for texting me.  The girls were happy they got to see you today.  You really are doing great Lar.  Little steps at a time."  Not sure what she was wanting to tell me through the text, just hoping I was calming fears if there were any.  (They seem to grow at night).

The hallucinations are still there, a little less than before.  Again, when she is tired is when she seems to have more.  She seems to have more fear.  Today she cried to (and with) Lisa about her hair.  She found her bald spot (that is still growing) plus her two shaved spots which she has been worried over from the beginning.  Telling Lisa she has spent so long growing her hair out.  She finally let it out tearfully, "I don't want to look like a cancer patient."  Tomorrow the AMAZING James Harris (from Sugardaddy's Salon) is coming to see what magic he can work for her.  Emotionally Lara is on a very bumpy ride.

Physically she is making strides.  She had much more movement on her left side. So much so today in PT she could kick her leg up a little while seated.  She also walked again a little ways.  This time the therapist still helped on the left knee.  It wants to buckle.  But she was using her hip to get that left side going forward.  OT and ST has her working on things like, math, telling time, playing games (rules of taking turns, concepts of the games) some things that I would never think of.  Like "Lara, you are in a room with lots of seats all around you, it is dark, and you have popcorn, where are you?"  "Movie theater," Lara answers.

Considering where Lara was physically this time last week she has made such huge success.  She still has a very, very, long way to go.  She is not only in a daily physical fight.  Fighting to regain what she once had in her strength and abilities.  She is also in an emotional fight.  She questions daily why her, she trys to be a good person, it's not fair.  My heart cringes when I hear her ask those questions.  My prayer is one day she will see that through this experience God is using her.  God is not finished with her yet.



  2. Lara, I love you so much! I am so proud of you as so many others are right now. We are praying day and night for you. I hurt right now for you and can only imagine the physical and emotional journey you are taking right now. As you ask yourself over and over "why me?" You are a good person and don't second guess that ever! God is constant, remember that. You alone are worth the fight. God has so much more planned for you. I think all the time about what you are going through as I listen to Ben or Lacy fill me in and it brings me to tears later that you made it and you are blowing everyone away with your progress. I love your passionate kind bubbly spirit. Everytime I have the chance to see you, you bring a smile to my face. Your neice's sure do love you. I have been blessed to spend time with them lately and they always are talking about you. I want you to know that it may seem impossible right now and times may get hard but think about the leaps you have made. You are amazing. And remember God is constant! Get some rest girl.

  3. Lacy- I do not know the words to describe the value of this blog- it is a pipeline of answered prayers. It allows me to stay connected to a family that is so precious on so many levels. Lara we celebrate each success and are hopeful in misstep.

    peace to your house